But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize