I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
