I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
