Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this boner is exhausting
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
