So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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