Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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