He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
