six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
