just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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