but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
