I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
