So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
