too bad you live with your parents still
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
