Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
