I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
