i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize