Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
