I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The struggles of a small town man whore
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
