Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
