you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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