no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
