YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
