ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
