Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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