so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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