My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need a burrito and a hug.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
