she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
