just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
tell me about the fingering
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
