The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
