Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
