im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
