I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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