Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
