I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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