So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
home. puking in laundry basket.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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