I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize