It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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