smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
