i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
