I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
