tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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