i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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