just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
