I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
