I'm drive I can fine osifer
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
