this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
