Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Randomize
