It's Friday. Sex?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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