Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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