Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just pee around me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
