there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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