so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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