I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
