VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
