Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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