Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
