I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
