Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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