Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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