Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
