the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
