Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
