im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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