Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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