i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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