Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
