I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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