I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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