my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
