I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
