The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
