Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
