Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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