We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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