if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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