Christians are straight up FREAKS
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
