He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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