i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
