I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I lost the right to judge tonight
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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