i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Send help, water and tortillas.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize