Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
