my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
