he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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