So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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