There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
