She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
