Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize