I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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