Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
