do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
