i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
