He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
