So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
