A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
