hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
