Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
