:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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