spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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