another moral hangover. fuck.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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