Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
did i just pee glitter
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