R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
