im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
