Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize