We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize